


A Pyschopaths Happy Ending

by Styx_the_Sociopath



Category: Death Note
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-26
Updated: 2015-06-22
Packaged: 2018-04-01 08:44:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4013176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Styx_the_Sociopath/pseuds/Styx_the_Sociopath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zandier was a genius and a mass murderer in life. But not everything goes according to plan. After death forcibly seperated from the one he loves he swears to break free of his prison and seek revenge. The only problem is his greatest enemy is immortal. All Zandier can do is spoil their fun. But to do that he has to seek out a more recent owner of a Death Note and give them a happy ending. Doesn't sound that hard, right? But Zandier hasn't reckoned for just how clever the new owner is, not to mention the detective chasing him...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Purgatory, Intestines and "Happily Ever After"

**Author's Note:**

> (A/N) I own nothing except Zandier unfortunetly and I don't think that's going to change any time soon. If you're feeling brave please struggle on to the end of my poorly written little story. Thanks.  
> -Styx

Zandier's POV (OC)

All in all, my afterlife sucked. Oh no, don't get me wrong, if you want to spend all eternity trapped in a realm of nothingness, go ahead. All you have to do to achieve infinite boredom is write one little name in an innocent looking notebook. Not that I only wrote one. How could I? When the power of a Shinigami landed in my lap how could I possibly leave it alone?

Before I died I looked through some records, scraps of myth and superstition for the most part, documenting the exploits of some of the other mortals that had used it. Of course I wasn't meant to see those but what can I say? Rules are made and enforced by the powerful, and I fancied myself the most powerful mortal to ever live. Even without the Death Note I was running circles around every entitled, wise and cunning idiot I came across. So what if I broke into the Shinigami realm and stole from the King himself?

Who else could boast as much? None of my predecessors, that goes without saying. When I was fifteen I'd killed far more people than those petty, vengeance-addled dotards had managed in a lifetime. I toppled an Empire with a handful of names, slain legion after legion of my foes with a few simple instructions and bent every “rule” the Old Man gave me to its fullest extent .All in an age when most of my fellows were hopelessly illiterate.

So I may have developed a tiny, little god complex but I'd only met a handful of people that could almost keep up with me. Give me a little credit for staying as sane as I did. Then it was all over. The Old Man offed me when I stopped killing and started fucking living. I was stuck there, not in Heaven or Hell but a miserable void. People gave it oh so many names; The Fields of Asphodel, Purgatory, as a child I knew it as the Never-Plain. It sucked everything out of you, your dreams, sanity, even your memories. Or at least that's what it was meant to do.

I'm so SO sorry Old Man but fuuuuuuck you and your punishments. After a few I was back to my old self again. Oh he may have succeeded in driving me insane but that's all the Old Man could ever do to me. . But that wasn't nearly enough. Not nearly e-fucking-nough. That had been business something I'd have done regardless. But the fucked up asshole known as the King of the Shinigami warranted more than that. He took me away from the one person who had seen the messed up kid instead of the monster. The only person who I'd ever truly loved. And I could never see them again. Because of him and his goddamn rules.

Now my response to someone fucking with the only bloody good thing in my life would have been fairly simple;  
1) Find them.  
2) Get them alone.  
3) Tie them to a chair and decorate a room with their intestines.  
4) Set the room on fire.  
5) Enjoy the human fucking barbecue.  
But unfortunately there's only one way to kill the Shinigami bastard and that wasn't an option. The Old Man and love? HA! A snake has a warmer heart than him. No, death wasn't an option so I decided what I needed to do was make him watch as I spoiled his fun. He rarely went down any more but he loved the show his subjects put on for him. The Old Man's predictable he just loves chaos, especially when it ends in tragedy. It stops him getting bored and that was the one thing his equally fucked up buddies hate it's for the biggest bully in the playground to get bored.

So pretty simple, right? Find a human with a Death Note and make sure they live “happily ever after”. Piss off the Old Man and give someone the chance I wish I had. For someone as clever as me it shouldn't be too difficult... Or at least that's what I thought until I found myself caught between the two most infuriating and cleverest people I'd ever met. Why the hell did I have to shadow Ryuk? If I'd gone with Rem life would've been so much simpler.

But I suppose I could never resist a challenge...


	2. Opening Gambit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kira and Zandier meet for the first time. Well, if breaking and entering, hanging around in someones bedroom and threatening to gouge their eye out, counts as "meeting" someone.

Light’s POV  
So far it had all been far too easy. The whole world had acknowledged Kira’s existence, the Internet was already home to my worshipers and no one had dared challenge me yet. It was disappointing. I’d expected resistance. I’d anticipated it. I was planning on doing so much good for the world, fixing it, perfecting it. But using the Death Note wasn’t a challenge. Not when it came to killing criminals. It was all too easy.

That’s what I’d been thinking on the way to my room: that I needed a real opponent. I was not expecting to find the stranger lounging on my bed.

He was about average height, underweight and dressed head to toe in black. He yawned lazily and stretched as he got up. Smiling cockily he looked straight past my shoulder. He ran a hand through his untidy dark purple hair. He looked straight at me and said in a low, melodic voice.

“Hello, Ryuk. It’s been a while.”

I turned to say something to my Shinigami, ask him how the hell he knew this freak but I stopped when I realised something. Ryuk was terrified of this guy. He was practically hiding behind me. No wait this guy could see Ryuk?

“Who the hell are you?”

Zandier’s POV  
“Who the hell are you?” Oh he was clever. By asking me first he knew regardless of whether I told him anything he could ask Ryuk later when I wasn’t in the room. Good, very good. The question was whether or not to indulge or infuriate him. Why not both?

“A former Death Note user, a madman, a thief, a manipulator, a mass murderer and, of course, a genius” Oh I could practically see his mental gears turning. Was I a prospective ally or an enemy? Would I bother lying to him when he could ask Ryuk later? And right there at the front - can I kill him? “Though, if you were looking for a name, it’s Zandier.”

“What do you want?” Oh I love this kid! He knows how to play the game. Too bad he can’t conceal how clever he is behind those hazel eyes. If it weren’t for that I’d have been convinced by his display of disgustingly average intelligence. Ask me the obvious questions. Let me dig a hole for myself by showing off. Good strategy, exploit my vanity. It’s a shame I could see right through him.

“Oh Kira I want lots and lots of things. Most of which I can’t have. I’m a little greedy sometimes.” I smiled mockingly at him. “But in regard to you? I’m here to give you a friendly warning. That’s all.” I moved closer to him. “Coming from someone who’s done everything you’re planning on doing, don’t put this dream before all others. You do that and you will lose all the chances for happiness you’ll ever get. And die alone.” I cocked my head to the side and lazily waited for a reaction.

Light’s POV  
Damn! He’s clever, too clever. And he knows. He knows I’m Kira. And he can see Ryuk. So he’s not lying about having used a Death Note. But that doesn’t explain why the hell Ryuk is this scared of him. He wasn’t nearly that scared of me. So Zandier must be dangerous. Dangerous enough to terrorise a Shinigami with six words? I have to be careful. He saw straight through what I was doing before and managed to use it against me.

“If I were Kira why would you warn me? You don’t seem like the sort of person who would help someone out of the goodness of your heart.” There if he was looking for a confession he’s got one so half-assed it’d never stand up in court.

He was still smiling. The arrogant prick was still smiling. Did I make a mistake? Wait, is he laughing at me?!!!

“You really think you were the only one to have global ambitions with that Death Note?” He asked in between creepy, little giggles. “Let me guess you believe that you’ll manage it. You want to change the world. You were bored.” He leaned in closer. What the hell was wrong with this freak? “And you were lonely.” He straightened up and stepped back a little doing his weird head cocking thing.

He was waiting to see whether I would deny it. But how could he possibly know that? I-I? Why couldn’t I just lie about this? It shouldn’t be this difficult to think of one? How the hell does he know this much?

“You know what, Light? Once I was exactly like you; Vain, arrogant, smarter than anyone else around me and very, very much alone.” He smiled at me mockingly. “I know all of your little sob story. I might even know it better than you do. So, listen to the voice of experience, and give up on Kira. You do that you might just have a chance at happiness.”

“Why are you doing this?” Oh fan-fucking-tastic so I can still talk? Idiot!

“Now, that you don’t need to know, Junior.” He moved so fast I could hardly see him. He had me pinned against the wall. He’d stopped smiling. “Don’t ever ask me that again. That. Is. Personal.” He hit me back against the wall to emphasize every syllable. Then he dropped me almost distastefully. “Ask me that again and you’ll lose one of those pretty eyes. Light, Ryuk.” He nodded coldly to each of us and left through the window.

Maybe I over-romanticised the idea of a rival. This is not how I wanted things to go…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Okay, yeah, it still needs some work. For the next chapter I think Zandier will be going to Wammy’s House to arrange a meeting with Watari and eventually L. Beyond that still don’t have the faintest idea where I’m going with this. Same as last time; please tell me where I’m going wrong and any help would be really appreciated. Oh and before I forget, most of the story is either from Zandiers POV or that of people around him as he keeps trying to make a “happy ending” for Light. By the way I'm not that sure about how Zandier looks, any advice? Thanks. :)  
> -Styx


	3. Echoes, "Splinters" and British Weather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zandier returns to England for the first time since his death, get's into a fight with a certain blonde kid and starts trying to contact L. Meanwhile Ryuk explains to Light why Zandier is not someone you want to cross.

Zandier's POV  
It was raining in England. It wasn't dark and stormy as would've been far more apt for my return to the little country. It was a spluttering, weak-willed drizzle. The kind of omnipotent weather I seemed to have omitted in my absence. Idly I wondered if mist would've set a better tone for my return.

I don't know what I'd expected. Some pang of nostalgia for the days before I found the Death Note, a flash of pain at the memory of what I'd lost here or some bitter-sweet memories of the scant amount of time spent with my beloved. But I hadn't anticipated this, I felt nothing. Absolutely nothing. Everything I'd known had been paved over, pulled up or distorted till it was beyond recognition. For just a second I wondered whether I really belonged here, in this ever changing world. Where was the point of a bitter soul weighed down by loss and vengeance amongst all these fresh faced mortals?

I'm glad it didn't last. After all I'd been a freak pre-notebook as well. There'd only been one place where I felt I'd belonged. And it wasn't like I could ever reach there again. I'm a freak, an outsider, a monster and a bloody genius. And I was still angry. Kira, that bastard, had hit a weak-spot I wasn't even aware of. The centuries made little difference. Apparently time cannot cure all ailments. Not broken, small, black hearts, in any case.

I glanced around again hoping against hope that I'd find whatever I was expecting. A wicked grin split my face as I saw the sign in the distance. Then I laughed, I laughed and laughed and laughed. Bitter barks, childish giggles and manic cackles all echoing off the walls of the alley. Eventually I straightened up.

“Wammy's House, huh?” I murmured “Funny how history repeats itself.” Not bothering to push the mane of tangled purple away from my face I slowly strolled closer to the orphanage. My beloved had come from an orphanage which stood exactly where this one did now. And from some of the lingering mental vibrations someone who would be compatible with my latest playmate had stayed here once. In fact not that long ago. It was a cruel joke, from the Fates. But I did vow to give someone the chance I never got. I just didn't expect things to be this similar. The stakes had been raised, if I won victory would be sweeter by far but if I lost defeat would be even more bitter than last time.

I'd learned much from standing outside in the drizzle. I knew my task wasn't impossible. There was someone out there who was compatible with that idealogical psychopath in Japan. This orphanage doubled as a preparation camp for his successors. I knew his first name and profession. All I had to do was find the elusive master detective and then I could give things a nudge on both sides. Smiling at my progress I slipped inside through a side door. Ready or not, here I come...L.

Light's POV  
“Ryuk, stop eating the damn apple and tell me who the hell Zandier is?” He'd been dodging the question for hours. It was exasperating. And I needed more information. He was clever and he knew too much about me. I needed to even things out.  
“Light, you really don't wanna know. That guy sent shivers up the King of Death's spine before. And he's even worse now.” The Shinigami still looked shaken. If anything that made things more pressing.  
“Tell me everything you know or I will ensure you don't eat another bloody apple as long as the Death Note is in my possession.” Below the belt? Maybe. But I needed answers not vague insinuations. Ryuk looked horrified, he knew I was serious.  
“He was the last human the Shinigami King had direct contact with. Scary mortal, even back then. He broke through the barriers between the Human and Shinigami worlds. And stole the Old Man's Death Note. Made it back again before anyone could catch him.” Ryuk swallowed a chunk of apple noisily before continuing. “He's what the Shinigami call a Splinter. Don't get them often any more. Basically humans born with the ability to interact with things like a Shinigami can. There are usually limits to what they can do, if they ever learn to use their abilities, but they come from the Splinters brains and will. Now Zandier, he could be more single-minded and smarter than you Light.”Ryuk laughed gutturally but it sounded forced.

“What happened to him?” I was already intrigued. Whether he was my ally or my enemy moving through walls, becoming invisible and quasi-immortality were a formidable skill set.

“He tried to do what you were doing. Clean up the world, make it fair all that. The Old Man liked that, all the chaos it caused. But then Zandier started making goo-goo eyes at another human and started having doubts. Now the Old Man didn't like that, he hates a sappy ending. So he contacts me and I write Zandiers name in my Death Note.”

“So, what it doesn't work on Splinters?” That would be a limitation I should take into consideration. It also made Zandier much more dangerous...

Ryuk dropped the apple core into his mouth and moistened his blue lips before answering. “No, that's the really scary part. He dropped down dead on his way to meet his pretty little pet. Then a year ago he broke the rules. He was supposed to get stuck in nothingness until doomsday but suddenly he's back on Earth somewhere between human and Shinigami.” Ryuk turned his big mad eyes on me and said in a small, almost scared, voice. “He's technically half dead so I don't think anything can kill him. But he can still kill freely, even without a Death Note...”

Zandiers POV  
“Hey! Can you take me to however is in charge here?” The orphanage was massive and as most of the kids there gave off more adult, alert vibrations than most actual adults I decided to take a chance and ask the blonde kid in the corridor.

“Why? Even Near knew who runs the place after one fucking hour. You some sort of charity case fuckwit or something?” He was a head shorter than me and almost as thin. If it weren't for the fact that I needed his help I'd have laughed in his face. Unfortunately that wasn't an option.

“I'm new here.” Technically not a lie. “And as this is an orphanage aren't you a charity case?” This kid had no idea who he was dealing with. Hopefully he's a quick learner.

“What did you say you jacked up wanker?!” So much for that thought. “You wanna say that again?!”

“I thought I spoke very clearly there. What is it? Did I talk too fast?” I smirked at him. It was my best smirk it took years to perfect but it had no equal among all gestures mocking and provocative.

It might've worked a little too well. Blondie lost it and threw a punch. He was fast and he'd put his whole weight behind it. The kid knew how to fight. Unfortunately so did I, I was faster and I had more reach. After letting him try to hit me a few more times I got bored and switched to the offensive; A sharp jab to his solar plexus, a casual toss into the nearest wall while he was briefly incapacitated and a hand on his throat. After struggling weakly the kid gave up and just glared at me.

“You're not bad at this, kid. What's your name?”

Glare, expletive, mumble, expletive.

“You wanna say that again?” I asked with just a sprinkling of sarcasm.

“Mello. Why do you fucking care?” Shame I couldn't stick around. In a different time he'd have made a great protégé.

“Anyone who manages to come that close should be remembered as more than “that kid”, don't you think?”

“What's yours then? Or am I supposed to remember you as “condescending fuckwit that can throw a punch”?” Yup, definitely a shame I couldn't stick around.

“Zandier. So now we're all friends here can you take me to however runs this place when Wagamy's away?”

“You aren't really new here are you? Why the hell are you here?”

“I need to get a message to L or Watari about the Kira case. All the other means of doing that are a little too... messy for my liking. Tell you what you help me out by getting me to someone who can send L my message and I'll wax lyrical about how you're the best choice of successor. You refuse and we can go another round. So Mello, what'll it be?” He may have been an angry little kid with too many emotions clunking around noisily upstairs but he was intelligent. And intelligence usually wins out.

“Fine but don't mention that I lost the fight. It'd ruin my fucking reputation.”

“Of course, “I dropped him slightly more gently than I'd dropped Light and bowed mockingly. “After you my gracious, little guide.” Yes, things were definitely moving ahead quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Whoops. I forgot to author note yesterday. Yes, I'm an idiot. Wow, over 30 hits so far. That's surprisingly good, actually. I didn't expect that when I started. Just a heads-up it could be a while till the next update, internet access will be limited to non-existent for my poor, semi-sane self in the foreseeable future. I can guarantee that Chapter 4 will involve Watari and that it will be up in a month at the absolute latest. Wish me luck on the outernet. :P  
> -Styx


	4. Unbidden Insecurities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zandier meets Watari to present him with information regarding Kira.

Zandier's POV

L chose a good meeting place. A wide, open space most people avoided but with plenty of lovely little spots for other operatives and hidden cameras. But far enough from the public eye that any meeting would go virtually undetected. All terribly clever of him. The balancing act between ensuring involvement in anything of interest and keeping his identity a secret must have been hellish. But if anything his mind seemed to thrive on the constant cloak and dagger, I doubt I'd have chosen as ideal a meeting place under the constant pressure. Or be content to send my right hand man instead of going personally.

Speaking of which Watari was late. It was difficult to tell whether that was deliberate or not. Either way it would take forever to get the dust and sand out of my trench coat. And I liked that one. Black with solid silver buttons and an imperial purple inner lining. The design itself was unique, I had to pay a ridiculous sum for some pretentious tailor to make it to my specifications. It had definitely been worth it. But this brilliant material was most definitely not going to look good stained brown and grey.

It took an almost superhuman effort not to run at Watari and tear his throat out when he finally did show up. What I'm a little touchy about my clothes, okay? And I didn't actually do it, however much I'd wanted to. His mind was fascinating; So much raw intelligence but wisdom and compassion cutting across it. Watari's mind was for lack of a better term “noble”. Despite the pain and sorrow in his past there was so very little selfishness to it. Ambition still burned brightly but his goals didn't relate to him directly, they always revolved around other people. For a second I was so taken aback by this that I must have started staring. The elderly gentleman cleared his throat politely reminding me of the matter at hand.

“My apologies, Watari. I found myself...distracted for a few moments. Can I presume that L has placed cameras around the area so he can view it for himself?”

“Yes. L rarely runs the risk of relying on anyone’s testimony but his own.” I cocked my head at him and frowned a little.

“Not even yours? From what I've heard you're possibly the only person the great detective trusts unconditionally.” I paused only for half a beat then continued with a small smile. “Then again it's very difficult for clever, independent people to give up the reins to anyone correct?”

“That may be so. L believes in thoroughness however. So you can attribute the use of cameras to that if nothing else.” He frowned slightly then continued. “I believe you had information regarding the Kira case? As pleasant as this small talk has been that is my primary reason for being here Mister...”

“Zandier. Thank you for indulging me for as long as you did. Yes, likely more information than our mutual friend Kira has at his disposal.” I smirked cockily. “Unfortunately, I doubt much of it is useful or even believable.”

“You do not seem the sort to idly waste time. You are willing to share some of what you know with us.” Oh I was definitely right about the intellect and a good judge of character to boot.

“Concerning the murder weapon itself and it's origins you will remain blissfully ignorant until one of your operatives come across it. But there are rules to how it's used. Some of which I will explain to you, under one condition.”

“Even if we were willing to bargain with an extortionis,t how can we trust a word you say? The name you have provided has turned up no one matching your description. And your face has no name linked to it. Officially you don't exist. How can we trust someone who can't provide identification?” His voice had remained level and courteous despite the actual words that emerged. Clearly he was wearing some sort of an earpiece. L's technology must be cutting edge.

“I came here in good faith, my dear Mr Wagamy. With the intention of providing you with easily verifiable information. And you're quite right to mistrust someone like me... although I am the only one who came here alone.” I laughed mockingly. “Six operatives, including yourself correct? I hate to say it but they seem to be under the impression that you're going to order them to shoot me as soon as we conclude business. I do hope I'm wrong Watari. Because if one lone man fires a single shot at me: your lovely little orphanage WILL burn. Along with all your children.”

He'd paled slightly but otherwise maintained a stoic expression. I almost felt bad for going straight for the jugular. “I don't want to kill anyone but I needed insurance, leverage if you will. Send three of your men back to wherever you picked them up from and tell the remaining two they are not to shoot, under all but the most exceptional of circumstances.” I waited patiently for confirmation of my instructions. As expected three minds slowly moved out-with my range and the remaining two had lowered their weapons.

“Good, very good. For a second there I thought you were going to do something...stupid.” I sighed and stretched, yawning loudly. “Now that all that is out of the way shall we discuss terms?”

“Mister Zandier, before we continue would I be wrong in saying you are a very cut-throat and intelligent young man?" I shrugged non-commitedly. "Because of this I feel I must raise the possibility that you could be Kira. Perhaps you merely wish to mislead us? Laying a false trail is not beyond your abilities or I believe Kira's. Few men are clever enough to contact L and fewer still can target weakness that effectively. Both are aspects L believes Kira possesses, intelligence and cunning. Not to mention a certain lack of empathy for anyone in his way.”

“Kira and myself are similar I will not deny that. Though if I were Kira you and every last operative you brought would be dead in the dirt. With L following soon after. Be grateful the real Kira isn't like me. If he were, the world would have already fallen.” I looked the old man in the eye and subtly prodded forward images of L lying dead, surrounded by the still corpses of everyone at Wagamy House, with a dark figure rising above them laughing maniacally. It wasn't hard. Watari cared about those people so deeply their safety was one of the foremost thoughts rattling around up there.

“I have my own stake in this. I won't tell you the details but a very powerful...man wants Kira to come very close to succeeding. I hate this man, so I don't want him to get what he wants.” I smiled a harsh, sharp smile like a naked sword catching torchlight. “If you catch Kira try not to kill him for his crimes, he's an unknowing puppet. Give him long term imprisonment if you think it necessary, but nothing more than that. Those are my terms for information now and at any other time.

“Agreed.” For the first time Watari sounded old. Frail and worn somehow.

So I told him what Kira needed to kill, a name and a face. I suggested he tested it by misspelling the names of criminals in the next few broadcasts. Then before I left I felt a twinge of unfamiliar emotion. I felt guilty. For the first time in decades I felt I'd done something wrong.

“Watari...” I struggled to meet his eyes. I'd pushed all the pain in them to the surface. It was easier talking to his shoelaces. “I'm sorry about the orphanage. What I said that...it wasn't cool. It's just with the firing squad... I don't want them to die whatever it looks like.”

“Why? What do they mean to someone like you?” His tone still hadn't sounded harsh. It wasn't even curious somehow empty, hollow. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat.

“I grew up on the streets. My parents – they abandoned me. The children there (Mello, Matt, Near and all the others) I envy them. They have what I wanted more than anything at one point, someone who gives a damn.” I swallowed again. Was remorse meant to mess with body function? I couldn't remember. “I was wrong to use them against someone that helped them most. Someone I wish was there for me.” There done, now leave before you feel any worse.

Fuck, I thought I’d gotten past all that. Ha! No time to wallow you need to fix things. Make other people happy. After what I'd done to that compassionate old man? All in all, I'm a shitty Fairy Godmother.

Correction I am THE shitty Fairy Godmother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) I know this isn't really up to par. I tried to fit too much in right? And I find writing Watari's speech really difficult for some reason. Could you all ignore the previous Chapter 4? It's being deleted. I'm far too insecure on occasion, though as usual any feedback (whether positive or negative) would be awesome. In particular on Zandier's development and my interpretation of Watari if possible, I can’t shake the feeling that something's not quite right...  
> -Styx


	5. Seducing a Shinigami 101

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something's changed and Zandier has to go to extreme lengths to find out what.

I felt warm, contented even. Curled around the only good thing that happened to me. A slightly elevated heartbeat under my hand, a hand tangled and twisted into my hair, hypnotic amethyst eyes staring deeply into mine. They weren't repulsed by the contact. Nor were they awed and drooling as many of my followers would have been. Those purple orbs saw past the monster, past the god even past the orphaned piece of shit. They saw me as a person. To them I was never a deity, a mass murderer or a worthless freak I was just me. Flawed? Definitely. Broken? Possibly. But never beyond repair or help. Just knowing they existed was a comfort.

I'd finally made my decision. Fuck the Death Note. Fuck the King of Death. And fuck my beloved. Okay only one of those is meant literally and paper cuts and Shinigami were not on the menu. I wanted out. It's not like I could continue in good conscience anyway; the hand of justice should not yearn to hold the hand of a master thief. He'd even stolen something that according to the general public didn't exist: one black heart, size – XS, condition – battered and broken. Oh yeah, decision. All I had to do was tell the object of my affection the plan, pack a bag and renounce ownership. Easy.

I opened my mouth to tell them. Then pain. A sharp stabbing pain beyond imagining. I couldn't speak. I couldn't breathe. I was choking. My beloved looked on in horror as I dropped to the floor. The second last thought that went through my head was I love you. The last was less...poetic something along the lines of THAT FUCKING SHINIGAMI BASTARD!!!!!

I'd wasted so much valuable time over the few weeks prior. I never managed to say “I love you” to their face. That was my favourite fantasy being able to say it before I died. Three little words could bring torment unimaginable if left unsaid. And now I could never tell them, see them hold them again. They were dust beneath the earth, or perhaps above it given how long I'd been trapped in the Never-Plain, in this universe. And the gates of Heaven were far beyond my reach. I couldn't find them much less breech them to search for the object of my desire.

Reliving that moment was a very popular scene in dreamland…though possibly one of the most pleasant. Other feel-good films include; forcing your lover to carve messages into their own flesh, forcing them to walk into animal traps where they'd slowly starve or bleed out or getting them falsely accused and letting the headsman handle the rest. The endless chorus of “Your fault” and “Monster” never gets old you know.

It was when I was in the grips of a particularly unpleasant nightmare that an idiot Shinigami burst into my bedroom. Considering several people were dismembering the only thing I'd ever loved in happy, happy dreamland not Ryuk's best move.

“What the hell are you doing in my room?” My voice still sounded rough and grating. I suppose growling can do that to the throat. I could probably let go of him now couldn't I?

“Your plans not going to work. But if you don't wanna know I can go again...” He was looking at me faintly curiously. Oh shit! Shit! Shit! Shiiiiiiit! Why the fuck didn't I put on pyjamas or something last night? I was not going to have this conversation nude.

“Wait in the kitchen. I'm getting dressed.” The bloody Shinigami was still staring. Wait, hadn't I pinned him against the wall when I woke up? Fuck! Okay I need to get him out of here so I can get dressed... “There are some apples in the fruit bowl through there. You can have them if you go now.” Thank the fucking gods that perv loves those bloody things.

I headed down after a few minutes pretty much fully dressed. As expected the apples had vanished from the fruit bowl.

“I think I preferred you before... Hyuk hyuk.” And check one Shinigami who'd seen WAY too much.

“Why are you here Ryuk?” Cut straight to the point don't let the fact you're uncomfortable show.

“Because I liked what you were trying to do. It was new. Unexpected. Made going back to the way things were before seem boring. So I guess I owe you a little courtesy call.”

“No, that isn't it. Something's changed hasn't it? Is the Old Man going to try to lock me up again?”

“Hyuk. No, he's not going after you. Not yet. He wants to win first.”

“That's ridiculous. There's no way that His Shininess can begin interfere in this, it's against his own bloody rules to do more than take lives unless his Death Note's involved.”

“He can't do it directly because of the way things work. But he can send someone else to mess up your stuff. Rumour is he's gonna make a deal with another guy like you.”

“That's impossible. There's no way out of there it took me centuries to break out.” He was probably trying to unnerve me. On behalf of a certain King Of Death. I was playing aggressively right now. If he forced me to switch to the defensive the situation would get beyond my fucking control. Good way of doing it though much more creative than the old bastard I remembered.

“You made a way out. Instead of a wall there's a ticket barrier in part of his prison. All it takes is a Shinigami to let another guy through and he'd be a shade like you, in what a week? Maybe less.”

Why couldn't I just dismiss this? Because it's not completely impossible? And Ryuk believes he's telling the truth. How to pump him for more info though... Fuck is that really my only choice? Looks like it if I wanted any future intelligence from this apple-craving demon. This was not gonna be fun.

I stepped closer to the Shinigami and gently ran my fingers over his torso.

I must be fucking desperate to even consider this.

Looking up at him with half lidded eyes I started lightly rubbing circles against his upper body.

This doesn't mean anything it's just the best tactic available.

Putting on a deliberately low and vulgar voice I leaned in a little closer than necessary to ask my next question.

“Surely you know more than that. I mean when I broke into your realm you seemed like a really popular guy. Somebody dropped a hint about who the Old Man has in mind, didn't they?”

Yep, really fucking desperate. But it's not like I had a choice. Intimidation doesn't work on Shinigami their pain threshold is colossal.

I slowly allowed one of my hands to drift downwards.

I was really gonna hate myself for this tomorrow.

I deftly licked the side of Ryuk's neck and whispered in his ear.

“I could make it worth your while.”

Cool it, Zandier.

Bad time to rip out a Shinigami jugular.

This isn't a big deal.

Nothing you didn't have to do on the streets.

Deal with it.

TIME LAPSE

After an hour or so of letting the Shinigami get off on me. I managed to get what I wanted.

“You wanna know who he's got in mind right?” Was his permanent grin slightly larger than normal? Shit some of these marks could take days to heal over. Brutal bastard. “What if I said I didn't know?”

“Then I'd feel very sorry for you, Ryuk. Because I'd burn down every apple tree on the face of the earth faster than you can say “Sorry”. So I REALLY hope that's not true.”

“Always about the game with you isn't it. Fine I heard it was a Splinter called Damien mean anything to you? Hyuk.” Now that blew a hole in my happy slowly-rip-out-a-Shinigami's-vocal-cords fantasy.

“Damien? Are you sure that's their name?”

A chorus of laughing and frantic nodding offset by a very vulgar leer. I took it as a yes.

“Fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Hello sorry this chapter doesn't place much emphasis on L or Light. To give a rough setting in time L's bugged Light's room but they haven't met yet. Congratulations on wading through my shoddy story-writing. My deepest condolences to those who died of boredom on the way. One question for those of you who've read this far, Mello and Near will be brought into the fight between Damien and Zandier; which would you rather took Zandiers' side? It's up to you. :P
> 
> -Styx


	6. Rules, Bullets and Percentages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zandier discovers a new rule the Shinigami King never meant for anyone to know and introduces L to the world of Shinigami and Splinters.

The game had changed. I'd heard of Damien before. Not much but all of it bad. The Death Note hadn't twisted this guy, it just snapped him. I would call him a rabid dog but despite his insanity he's a genius. From the Old Man's notes on past users Damien was unscrupulous, completely insane but with one of the highest IQ's ever recorded by the Shinigami. He was then anyway.

The time in solitude drove me to the brink of madness. But perhaps it stabilised the other Splinter? His Shininess wouldn't consider letting a dog even madder than before off it's leash. Given what I did to Rem, the King must know Splinters in my position are a potential threat. I couldn't kill her but I reckon even SHE was surprised at what she lived through. And I took her Death Notes. Of course given enough time she could make more, but for now she's no threat to anyone.

Of course I'd considered just stealing the Old Man's and waiting until his stolen time ran out. I'm not sure if it would work even in theory and I'd rejected experimenting for two reasons: One while Dead Splinter beats Shinigami in the human realm I'd be at a massive disadvantage in their world; Literal home-field advantage for them and less dependable abilities for me, not a good combo. And two the Old Man wouldn't mind stealing an underling’s Death Note killing them and saving his own hide.

I'd fantasized about that idea for half a year but shattering the power of the Death Notes over humans was far more satisfying. After the disaster of my last trip to the great library of His Shininess I took a few extra precautions but found some interesting info for my trouble. “If a human who uses the Death Note continually for seventeen days” (writes a minimum of one name per six hour period-68 names within a week and a half of first using the Death Note) “renounces it out of love for another human being the compulsion experienced by a human touching any Death Note's for the next 500 years will be non-existent” Put simply someone who kills a lot over a short period of time after getting their power can remove the mind bending curse for five centuries. Now I'm sure the Old Man will love if that happens to Kira.

Extra incentives are always nice. Revenge is a particularly potent one. But I can't afford to imagine winning just yet. I need to get a certain famous detective on board first. Which was why I was contemplating the meaning of life in a glossy Japenese hotels reception.

Finally that supremely long queue was behind me. The receptionist looked vaguely familiar up close... Never mind more important things to worry about.  
“Could you let the man in the penthouse know I'm here?” I smiled half-heartedly. Using Ryuk for information had been unpleasant but easy. Convincing a mind as pragmatic as L's there were forces beyond human comprehension wasn't going to be the latter. But the former? Hell yeah. “Tell him it's Zandier and give a description if he seems reluctant.”

One brief phone call and an uneventful trip in the elevator later I was face-to-face with someone I recognised. But not the man I was looking for.

“Watari, the situations changed I need direct access to Lawliet. Now.” The elderly gentleman didn't shift from his position but frowned and appeared to be deciding whether I was lying or not.

“You heard what happened to Melo when he got in my way. As desperate as I was then right now I'm far worse. I'd prefer not to hurt you. I almost admire you but if you don't move now I'll be forced to move you.” This time he didn't have to consider. Watari could probably see the truth in my silvery eyes.  
“Please. A very, dangerous man is joining Kira.”  
Almost true.

“L will die unless I try to change things.”  
Completely true.

“Along with you and all you stand for.”  
Probably not a lie.

“So let me in Mr Wagamy. Before I lose my temper.”

The semi-mocking applause from inside the room was a bit unexpected. The brief laugh was downright shocking.

“Zandier-kun you're much more impressive in person. I can see why Mello liked you. Morals coupled with emotions. But neither are permanent. You suspend whichever one you don't need. Chance of being psychopathic or sociopathic seventy-eight per cent.” There was a faint rustle inside the room like someone getting up. “Let him in Watari. If he wanted me dead there are about fifty ways that would get him into this room without you noticing.” The lights clicked on and the monotone continued. “Even factoring that in. From what I saw of your last meeting you'd come up with a better lie if you just wanted access. Eighty point three per cent he's not lying.”

The percentages appeared to be some sort of a note to self as opposed to being for Watari's or my own benefit. Unless- Oh of course he's a clever one too. Learned to hide it in his eyes but not inside his own mind.

“What are the chances of me being completely delusional? To the point of creating elaborate rules relating to a fictional race of god's and their tools? Which I believe in completely?” Shit! Why am I trying to throw him off-balance? I need to know how he thinks.

“Before the question – twenty three point nine per cent. Since you asked it thirty point four per cent.” Those eyes gave away nothing and his mind was impossible to get a foothold in. It was like he knew I was trying.

“Okay, I'll slow things down for you detective. Kira's abilities are unheard off anywhere else in the normal world right now. Agreed.” At the nod and chewed thumbnail I continued. “Would you be open to the idea of the involvement of a Shinigami? A creature that uses the same abilities as Kira subtly to avoid detection but shared that power with Kira to relieve their boredom?” L's scepticism looked feigned so I added. “I've met him. He likes apples.” Before I could blink Watari had something cylindrical and metallic pressed against the back of my head.

“Kira mentioned Shinigami. He also mentioned that they like apples. Anyone unaffiliated with Kira wouldn't know those details. If you know that, there are two probabilities either you are Kira or you've been protecting him. Which is it?” Suppressed terror in his mind but a steady voice. Theorising about why I haven't killed him yet probably.

“I met Kira. My ability to stop him is...limited by certain rules. Shinigami like the infamous apple-lover are limited in similar ways. I can't give you his name address or any other pertinent information. As in I physically can't. The rules don't work that way.”

“And this dangerous man involved is he also limited? And whose rules are they?”

“Probably. Perhaps less limited than me. Though he'll have less sway over the events to come than you or Kira.” I yawned slowly. “Most of the ones a Shinigami has to follow were laid down by their King. The rules I'm under I've got no idea about. Probably came into being when I broke the cardinal one. That never happened before.”

“Are you a Shinigami? Or a human?” L was still sceptical. He was humouring me in the hopes of getting a confession.

“No and once I was. What I am right now blurs the line between the two. But you won't believe me till you see I can do things right?” I casually reached out a hand and presented the bullets from Watari's gun. “That proof enough, detective?” I smirked.

“Pull the trigger.” Apparently not.

“But-”

“Now.”

“...”

“This shirt was tailor made. I'll be sending you a bill Lawliet”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Sorry I got bored of waiting for someone to comment. I'm not a patient writer. Or a particularly good one but anyway here's my next chapter. If people do comment later I'll work Mello and Near into the later chapters wherever the majority of comments suggests so keep commenting. Also a piece of fluff will be going up shortly (LxLight naturally) following a request from a friend. If anyone's interested you know where to find it.  
> -Styx


	7. Blood and Coins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter Damien.

Damien's POV  
Ohah. It feels so good to be out of there. That cramped boring little space. And all those rules! Well those I still bloody had. Out of the cage but kept on a fucking leash. Sound familiar? Oh yeah story of my whole goddamn life. I didn't even know what I was meant to do. Sparkly-Arse couldn't have been any more fucking vague. "Blah-blah-blah cause trouble get in Zandiers way et-fucking-cetera". At least I was out. And some of my skills were stronger. Metamorphic abilities were new too. Shame I couldn't spend some time customising a new body. I was still a fucking amorphous blob so I just took on the image of the first decent looking guy in the nearest teenagers mind.

Nice cheekbones. Ruffled spiky hair. Nice abs. Slightly broody. Check check check CHE-ECK! It was such a good fit too. So what if the skin was a little pale ass and I didn't have a shirt? It'd do. Then I stepped into the sunlight.

Five words. What the fuck I'm sparkly?! Now that ruined it. Why the hell does the hot emo looking guy in this girls head sparkle? Fairies sparkle. Not hot guys. Correction not hot emo guys. Some guys can just about pull off the fairytale look without looking weird. But on this body? It was just plain fucking wrong.

I tried to change my new fucking body but all I succeeded in doing was lowering the emo look and making the facial features a bit more like my old ones. I still fucking glittered in direct sunlight. I tried again and realised I was out of fucking juice. No new body today then. Fan-fucking-tastic!

My day didn't get much better. If anything it was going to shit faster than a pear from the Shinigami realm. Half the people who saw me in the sun said something along the lines of "fucking Twilight cosplay" of the rest some ignored me and others started pestering me for photos. It was ridiculous. And because of the fact I ran out of juice I could only say things that "Edward" said in the films in their language. I tried saying other things but I was stuck between quoting a movie I was already starting to loathe or hoping the people around me were fluent in Latin. Let's just say they weren't.

I bet old Jewel-Whore did this deliberately. Shinigamis usually got their jollies by watching other people's misery. I may or may not have taken my fit of bad temper out on the teenager who fantasised about "Edward". Or on her family. Or on everyone on the fucking block. I may or may not have torn their throats out, drained and dismembered them.

They're so weak, so fragile these humans. Like china dolls or glass marionettes. They made such a lovely tickling crack when they broke. It was more fun without the Death Note. Up close and invulnerable I could lick their spurting wounds, taste that lovely red vintage. Then hang them all above the bath and wait for the blood to drip drip drip into it. It felt so good against my skin that gloopy red-black mixture. It made me feel alive.

I had to go eventually. Shiny-Arse gave me a minder. Ram or whatever insisted I go before the cops turned up. She wasn't pretty even by Shinigami standards and I was tempted to say no and go back to sleeping in the bath. But unfortunately the King had a little control over me. I'm his lovely little Jack in the Box. I'm out at the moment but old Jewel-Whore could shut the lid on me again if I go too far. I didn't know how far too far was from here so against all instinct I agreed.

TIME LAPSE

I don't know what I was expecting the almighty Kira to look like. Even so I was disappointed. He couldn't have been much more than a teenager, his mind gave off waves of discontent and judging by his curent clothes and bloody inhuman hair was as spoilt as they come. I always hated spoilt little brats but this pure-human temper tantrum was meant to cause worldwide panic and tragedy? Please, he's an amateur. A little boy pretending to be one of the big boys. My fingers itched to choke the life out of him. Make those pretty little eyes bulge. See if that perfect skin-tone would look better tinted blue.

Unfortunately I couldn't. Not if I wanted to stay out of the box. I couldn't lay a hand on Sparkly-Arse's precious little Kira. I wasn't even allowed direct contact. Now that fucking sucked. I had to find a bloody go-between to deal with Kira and L. According to Jewel-Whore I was "too unstable" to deal with any of his toys. Directly anyway. Zandier I was welcome to rip apart but to counter his bloody complicated little ploys I had to use a human.

Thankfully I'd done a little reasearch. I knew where L came from. Wagamy House a lovely picturesque orphanage for exceptional human children with a strong thirst to prove themselves. Problem solvers. I just needed to convince one to join me. It wouldn't be bloody hard; Zandier's clearly trying to make sure Kira doesn't pay for his crimes. Put that idea in one of their little heads and they'd be ever so willing to stop him interfering in L's investigation.

I don't want a little runt underfoot. And I don't want to stay on my best behaviour for one. But I'm just the Jack in the Box. So: Yes you Shiny-Bastard, o your Shiny-Bastard, three bags full of tolerance you bloody, Shiny-Bastard. I just had to pick one of the infidels. I had two possibilities. Near, brilliant and unemotional, top of his class. And Mello, ambitious and more easy to manipulate, the second to Near's first. Choosing was difficult so I took my favourite course and had a chat with my old buddy Janus. A flip of the coin and let the god of doorways determine my ally. Smiling I tucked the glinting piece of metal into my pocket and trudged home. Janus had made a bloody good call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) So this will probably be the last post for A Psychopath's Happy Ending for the next three weeks or so. I have to give my readers some time to decide on who they'd rather help who. It's up to you guys whether it was Mello or Near my little Jack in the Box settled on. Zandier will of course end up working with whoever Damien doesn't choose. If by this time in three weeks time nobody actually votes, I'll just flip a coin... :P  
> -Styx

**Author's Note:**

> (A/N) Okay so this is the first fanfic I've ever written, any advice would be great. Also it hasn't been checked through yet so I'm really sorry if any bad grammar makes it difficult to read. I pretty much marathoned on Death Note when a friend first introduced me to it and I've been thinking about this idea ever since L died. Though tbh at this point your guess on where this is going is as good as mine. If anyone is bored enough to read this really long authors note could you please tell me if my actual fanfic is doing okay? Oh and since I've not really thought it out fully yet if anyone has any suggestions for where I should go from here I'd be sure to mention them in the chapter(s) involved, not to mention really grateful. See ya! :P  
> -Styx


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